Let me start of by saying I read all three 50 Shades of Grey books, in three weeks around this time last year. While it wasn’t a riveting complex read it did have a great story line carried throughout the series (that is my why but keep reading!). With the release of the movie a week away my Facebook feed has been bombarded with all the reasons you shouldn’t go see the movie and I have to politely disagree with those posts. I am not writing this to convince you that BDSM is right. I am not writing this to convince anyone to read the books or watch the movie. I am writing this to bring up the most important topic in the series of this book. I want to shed a huge light on the topic and get people talking about it!
*Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t read the books.* No I won’t be boring you with Red Room details. But lets talk about why Christian Grey has a red room, why he is into BDSM. As a teen Grey was sexually abused and made a submissive by an older woman that was a friend of the family! She groomed him so that he would believe that she loved him, that she was ‘helping’ him channel his anger into a positive resource (BDSM), and that she was taking him under her wing, doing him a favor of sorts. See that is how predators work. They prey on someone who they believe is weak or has a weakness. They groom them. Then they do with them as they please. All the while the victim has fallen prey to their trap and they don’t see how/why it is wrong.
In the course of Anastasia and Christians relationship he slowly starts revealing more information to her about his troubled past. The only problem was he didn’t think the trouble in his past was what the woman did to him, but rather his anger as a teen before she made him into a submissive. He truly believed that the woman loved him. See he still regularly talked to the woman, even told her about his liking of Ana. He confided in her and ONLY her. He thought of her as mentor and only friend. The abuser had won…she had him hook, line and sinker.
It was not Grey’s therapist that was able to help him see that what had happened to him as a teen was abuse, it was Steele. Grey truly believed he couldn’t love anyone. He believed he was unlovable. (Guarantee that was the abusers doing.) Steele showed him what it is to love someone no matter what their past or problems are. She showed him that sex could be enjoyable without whips and paddles some of the time. If she hadn’t had loved him unconditionally, regardless of his red room, chances are he would have carried on throughout his life living under his abusers umbrella. Never truly loving or letting others love him.
Lets talk about sexual abuse against men. Lets talk about how in our society we’ve made it ‘cool’ when a teenage boy falls victim to his ‘hot’ female teacher or older woman. It is not cool, it is abuse! Men can be raped. Men are raped. Just because they were born with a penis does not give them a free pass from sexual abuse!
Let’s talk facts…
1 out of every 33 American men has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in his lifetime.
At least 10% of all victims are male.
- It is believed that only 33% of male victims report their abuse.
Resources for men surviving sexual assault: